If there’s one year I didn’t want to be famous, 2016 was it. Glad that’s over.
From Dr. Seaver to Mrs. Brady, Prince to the “Pretty Woman” director, and Han Solo’s two-bunned bae to the inventor of Solo cups, 2016 took out some top names without the slightest bit of remorse. We can only hope 2017 will be more kind to those in the spotlight.
And with someone in the Oval Office who trumps time in all spotlights, perhaps celebs will get a break this year as attention will be diverted to him.
If 2016 has taught me anything, it’s to focus on myself, my family, my friends and my community … and that online dating should be avoided at all costs. I can’t change what happens or happened in Washington, D.C., so I should just concentrate on making my little world bubble a happy and stable place.
Wait … maybe I do want to be deported to Lesbos. It’s in Greece, and I might actually be able to find a date. Let me think on that.
In the meantime, the focus of meaningless smalltalk around the nation is New Year’s resolutions and what they should be. Of course most of us need to lose weight and gain money. Do more training, do less complaining. Touch your toes and quit turning up your nose at people, places, things and vegetables that are different.
In my humble opinion, resolutions should be attainable, or else you’re just going to get so frustrated and angry, you’ll run straight into the arms of a pint of Comfy Cow‘s Black Raspberry Chip and never look back. Instead of “Lose 15 pounds by spring,” maybe just commit to taking one walk a day and drinking bourbon instead of beer on the weekends.
Let’s go without pop (or Coke, as you all call it) for two weeks and see how we do. It’s not like we’re limiting your intake of Dundee Dip or the Bristol’s Green Chili Wontons — although moderation of those is probably important. I’m no dietician, though.
Find your favorite song and have a five-minute dance party to it each night before you go to bed. Dancing burns calories, you know?
Or instead of dropping $50 buying drinks for millennials at NoWhere Bar, invite your friends over and play Cards Against Humanity while drinking cheap wine from Trader Joe’s. (Skip the Two-Buck Chuck and try Old Moon zinfandel … it’s delicious and won’t haunt your head the next day.)
So, below is my New Year’s resolution list, and I promise it’s much easier than assembling anything from IKEA — including the meatballs. Remember: Do things that make you happy (and that are legal … or at least legal in other states), set attainable goals, don’t be too hard on yourself if you slip, and love thy neighbor who has free Wi-Fi.
The Bar Belle’s New Year’s Resolutions
- Smile more.
- Make others smile more.
- Swap out beer for bourbon, vodka or gin — until St. Patrick’s Day.
- Get 10,000 steps a day so you can let everyone around you know when your Fitbit vibrates.
- Go home after The Back Door on Thursdays.
- Learn how to use a drill.
- Try classes other than spinning at the Y.
- Say hello to strangers.
- Stop blaming your desolate dating life on Louisville.
- Practice carbs in moderation.
- Savor each sip of bourbon.
- Stop buying bottles you don’t want to open or you’ll turn into your father with his sci-fi action figure collection.
- Don’t put yourself down on a first date — wait until at least the third or fourth.
- See more movies in the theater.
- Eat more fruits and vegetables to the best of your ability.
- Tell your friends you think they’re awesome.
- Practice Facebook in moderation.
- Buy more drinks for others.
For more Bar Belle musings, head to barbelleblog.com.