There are winners, and there are these guys: An inside look at Kentucky’s 2011 elections

Ties knots in the stomachs of supporters.

Name: John T. Kemper III

Running for: State Auditor

Party Affiliation: Republican

What do you do when you are running for statewide office and your opponent has out-raised you in funds to the tune of 20 dollars to one?

You claim to be “running on a shoestring”.

And so goes the most unanticipated race this November in the Commonwealth of Kentucky – Auditor of Public Accounts.

As profiled before on these pages, I picked Republican John T. Kemper to lose to Addia Wuchner  in the May primary. I thought there was no way Kentucky Republicans would choose a bankrupt man who recently lost his home to foreclosure to audit the books of state and local government agencies. [Insert your own ironic joke here.]

I was wrong.

Illinois-born Kemper has hitched his teabagger wagon to the unconstitutional hope that he can somehow “control spending” in Frankfort as Auditor, crowing about his plan for a “debt-free” Kentucky. There is no word on if he’s talking about Chapter 7 or Chapter 11 as a means to reach his debt-free goal for the state.

On Monday, August 22, John Kemper paid a campaign visit to the folks at Brown-Forman Corporation in Louisville and signed the guest book as “State Auditor.”

When asked what he was doing there via his Facebook candidate page he replied, “Mr. Tucker, I was doing what all good candidates do, talking to voters, asking for their vote. Do I have your vote?”

So on top of being broke, we can add “misleading” and “thinks corporations are people” to the list of character qualities of this peculiar candidate for public office.

Kemper’s only political experience is losing a race for Kentucky’s 6th District U.S. Representative in 2010.

Kentucky’s Auditor of Public Accounts has a budget of $10.6 million dollars and the Auditor position pays $101,592 annually.

It looks like Mr. Kemper could use the money.

Can't handle the truth.

Name:  David Williams

Running for: Governor

Party Affiliation: Republican

The ogre of the State Senate, David Williams’ first order of business as a gubernatorial candidate probably went something like this:

“Well, no one really likes me personally. So I have to choose a running mate that is not only more handsome than me, I have to pick a real dolt who has name recognition. We can good cop/bad cop them to death. Who is that UK basketball guy over at Agriculture?”

Then he called Ritchie Farmer.

I have to give it to David Williams. He is a purely ruthless politician that wields considerable power. If I were Steve Beshear, I wouldn’t want to bump into him behind the West Wing at the State Fair after dark.

But Williams, like so many other career politicians, has a record. And an undistinguished one, at that.

Senator Williams claims to be a miser when it comes to state money. But you probably already know about the lavish spending of state money in Burkesville, the state-funded $17,000 plasma television set hanging on his office wall in Frankfort and how he quietly voted to double his pension as a State Senator while attempting to cut pensions for other state workers.

And you probably already know how he bullies and berates those with which he does business. And you may have heard that huge kissing sound as his lips were firmly planted against the ass of the notorious bigot Frank Simon. And there is no doubt you remember his infamous gambling junkets taken as he denied the citizens of Kentucky to decide for themselves on the issue of expanded gambling.

So why would you vote for him?

Williams is rumored to occasionally wear a bulletproof vest under his suit at public events. He also hates reporters and drowns a kitten each time someone says “What about Gatewood?”.

According to the local newspaper, Williams would receive $107,000 annually in pension benefits if elected Governor due to legislation he approved in 2005.

That’s a pretty good lick for a guy that has essentially been a ward of the state his entire life, don’t you think?

Name: Bob Farmer

Running for: Agriculture Secretary

Party Affiliation: Democrat

It was deemed “the joke heard ’round the Commonwealth”, but hardly anyone laughed.

Candidate Bob Farmer’s old stand-up comedy routine was played on You Tube almost 11,000 times.

State Rep. Jamie Comer, Farmer’s November opponent for the Kentucky Secretary of Agriculture race, has condemned the routine and called it insulting.

Had Comer’s people waited a few more months to release the video, it would have most likely had a major effect on the campaign.

Voters have notoriously short memories, and Comer has some pretty progressive ideas when it comes to agriculture in Kentucky. So if/when Comer runs television ads, Farmer will probably be doomed – tossed on the trash heap of potential winners that slit their own throats with the blade of stupidity.

Here it is again, in case you missed it:

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About the author

Brian Tucker
Brian Tucker is a lifelong Louisvillian. He is the founder of The Valley Report, and has been writing on Southwest Louisville's political environment for several years. Click here to read other articles by Brian Tucker.
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