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The holiday of love, cupid, hearts and Hallmarks can be depressing if you’re solo, and it can be stressful if you’re coupled. High expectations often lead to misery — just ask New Year’s Eve. Luckily we live in a hip city that moves forward no matter what time of year it is. And this weekend is no exception — events geared toward taking pressure off this ridiculous holiday abound.

Here’s a dozen, long-stemmed events delivered to your door. Don’t say we never gave you anything.

1) Eat Your Heart Out Art Fair @ Highlands Tap Room — Friday, Feb. 13

A handful of our local artists are offering up their art one last time before Valentine’s Day. Get something cool and one-of-a-kind for that special someone, or just buy it for yourself. Starts at 4 p.m.

2) Who Says Romance is Old Fashioned? @ Copper & Kings — Friday, Feb. 13

A cocktail party featuring music, chocolate, appetizers and a build-your-own Old Fashioned Bar sounds like the right way to start your weekend. Dane Waters and French Lounge will perform from 8:30-10:30 p.m., while Rye provides the apps and Art Eatables dishes out the chocolates. Admission is $5, doors open at 7.

HelloKitty3) Hello Big Bar @ Big Bar — Feb. 13-14

Hello Kitty is taking over the smallest Big Bar in town this weekend. Expect lots of hot pink, cartoon kitties, $4 frozen strawberry daiquiris and DJ Brios on Friday and DJ Syimone on Saturday. Starts at 10 p.m. both nights.

4) Love, Funk & Flow Valentine Festival @ Louisville Palace — Friday, Feb. 13

Forget tequila — the slow, smooth stylings of R&B make my clothes fall off. Join the S.O.S. Band, Con Funk Shun, Case and Carl Thomas for a night of sultry crooning. Tickets are $48.99 and showtime starts at 8 p.m.

5) Swipe Right Night @ Old 502 Winery — Friday, Feb. 13

Anyone over 35 and/or in a longterm committed relationship are probably scratching their heads at this one. Swipe right? Is that code for something? Well, it’s not a term in the swinging community or anything like that. It’s a concept used on the dating app Tinder, where you swipe through photos of potential suitors who are nearby. If you find someone you dig, you can “heart” them. If they happen to “heart” you, then it’s a match made in heaven. The folks at Old 502 Winery and Falls City are asking local singles to come out and fire up their Tinder. There will be music, drink specials and a full bar from 8-11 p.m.

Ninja Turtles6) Anti-Valentine’s Day Tap Takeover @ Garage Bar — Saturday, Feb. 14

Garage Bar is getting feisty with its weekend rebellion fueled by an anti-V-Day themed beer list and small bites. You can choose four flights for $10, or $20 when paired with bites. Or you can pick all seven for $15, $30 with bites. The beer list includes Founders Dirty Bastard, Left Hand Sawtooth, Stillwater Of Love and Regret, Evil Twin Lowlife, Off Color Troublesome, Country Boy Shotgun Wedding and Evil Twin Ash Tray Heart. Starts at 11 a.m.

7) Raanan Hershberg’s Bitter Valentine’s Day Comedy Show @ The Bard’s Town — Saturday, Feb. 14

If you’re sad and lonely this Valentine’s Day, don’t cry alone. Join hapless comedian (his words) Raanan Hershberg for his take on the holiday and all of its misgivings. Remember: Misery loves company. Tickets are $10 in advance, $15 at the door. Showtime is 10 p.m.

8) “I Heart HEART” Tribute Concert @ Mercury Ballroom — Saturday, Feb. 14

We told you about this show earlier this week, but this list would be remiss without it. So here’s your reminder: A handful of Louisville’s most talented musicians are gathering for a tribute to Heart and as a fundraiser for Kosair Children’s Hospital. Don’t miss it. Showtime is 8:30 p.m., tickets are $10 in advance, $15 at the door.

9) “Va Va Valentine: A Faerie’s Tale” @ Headliners — Feb. 13-14

We also just reviewed this Valentine-inspired show by burlesque troupe Va Va Vixens. Read more about that here, and buy a ticket if it moves you. Showtime is 8 p.m., tickets are $20.

10) Cupid’s Undie Run @ The Sports & Social Club — Saturday, Feb. 14

You mean to tell me scantily clad folks will be running around downtown in their pajamas to benefit the Children’s Tumor Foundation? Yep, that’s the gist of this event. The 1-mile race starts at noon, with awards and festivities after. Pictures please.

VAL121_vintage_1950s_valentines_day_greeting_card11) Midnight Movie: “Secretary” @ Baxter Avenue Theatres — Saturday, Feb. 14

Sundance TV’s article titled “Top 10 reasons ‘Secretary’ beats ‘Fifty Shades of Grey‘” tells you everything you need to know. With bullet points like: “E. Edward Grey Was Here First,” “More Likable Protagonist” and ” More Believable Love Interest,” we agree with their reasoning and believe 2002’s “Secretary” — starring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal — will turn out to be the better movie on BDSM. Baxter Avenue Theatres is showing it at midnight Saturday evening.

12) Chocolate & Beer Pairing @ Louisville Beer Store — Saturday, Feb. 14

You don’t have to be booed up to be down with chocolate and beer. In fact, I bet single people drink more beer and devour more chocolate than boring people in love. Either way, the Louisville Beer Store is hosting a Valentine’s Day Chocolate & Beer Pairing featuring artisanal truffles from Cellar Door Chocolates to be sampled alongside beers selected by owners Lori Beck and Tyler Trotter. The cost is $15, which gets you four flights of beer and four chocolates. They’d like you to RSVP at [email protected]

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Sara Havens
Sara Havens is the Culture Editor at Insider Louisville, known around town as the Bar Belle (barbelleblog.com). She's a former editor of LEO Weekly and has written for Playboy and The Alcohol Professor. Havens is the author of two books: "The Bar Belle" and "The Bar Belle Vol. 2."